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Anyway, I guess this kind of just gets used as a place to vent now...
Work for me is torture. I am fucking tired of dealing with my co-workers, and their inability to do their job properly. I am not talking about people making a mistake. I am talking about absolute disregard of proper ways of doing things.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but ground black pepper should NOT HAVE GOD DAMN FLOUR in it! Chicken should not be thawed on a sheet tray that had cookies baked on it, without being washed. Being a lazy fucking douche bag is not an excuse. I don't give a fuck if Jesus is your boss, you are a fucking MORON! When I ask you not to put frozen chicken on a sheet tray that had cookies baked on it, and you do it anyway what should I do? Nothing? That is my normal course of action. I doesn't accomplish anything. Today I spoke up, and ended up being told that it doesn't affect me. I told him that every day he is doing things that make my job even harder than it already is and that I don't appreciate it.

Now, I am aware that my current employment situation is less than ideal, but come on. I can't even taste the food I am cooking. Lunch is provided as a benefit, and due to one asshole I don't get that meager benefit. Everything is covered in flour.

I'm tired of being angry and resentful all the time. I have been thinking that it might be time to talk to a therapist again. I don't know if my same person is still there or not, but it can't hurt to try, right?

In other news... As far as Amy and I go things are pretty good. She's very supportive and kind. We spend a lot of time laughing and doing things that make us happy. If there has been a problem we have managed to talk it through rather than screaming. It is good, and I like being with her.
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I've been having a really hard time at work lately.
I don't feel like I can do my job effectively, and I have a co-worker who makes it harder for me. Aside from being a general asshole my co-worker tends to contaminate lots of things with flour. Now, I know that I am in a less than ideal situation, but I should be able to do my job. A lot of things I don't have to taste. During service there is very little I have to taste, and so that is fine. It's the prep part of my job that is hard. I have to make sauces, and soups, and taste those things. The veggie base we use at work contains barley, so that is no good. Chicken stock is fine, but I can't use it for everything. Of course if that was the biggest problem I had it would be no problem. Due to my co-worker's lazy stupid habits I don't really feel comfortable tasting things that have pepper, or any number of other seasonings. He makes our flatbread, and generally makes a mess with flour all over the place. Then when he assembles the dry ingredients he put flour in a container, and adds things like black pepper, garlic, etc., mixing each one in with the measuring spoon as he goes. Will I get sick from tasting soups that I make? I don't know, but it is a possibility. I don't want to get sick, and I don't think it should be such a huge problem to begin with. Of course when you have a person who just doesn't give a fuck as long as he gets his shit done, and does as little as possible. I find the measuring spoons he uses to mix things back in the drawer. So now there is flour with all of the things like peelers, measuring cups. You know all of the little tools that you need to cook on a regular basis. At this point I have no idea what to do. I'm doing what I can, and I have no real idea what I am qualified for if I went looking for a new job. Food service is not really where I should be. Part of me wonders if this is an ADA thing, but I don't really know.
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The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, most of us don't know very much about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.
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I'm really feeling frustrated right now. I am not going to school this semester. I don't know if I am going to be able to ever actually go. I tried to get financial aid. I make $11/hour and tuition is $11,600 a semester. Obviously, I need financial aid. Except that I have messed up my credit. It is getting better, but I have made mistakes. I get federal Stafford loans. $12,500 a year. I am $10,000 short a year. I tried to get loans through SallieMae, to pay the balance, and cover some bills as well. They turned me down. I tried to just get what I needed to pay for school. That didn't work either. Mom doesn't feel comfortable co-signing because she is going to retire in the next couple of years. If I fuck up she's on the hook, and she can't afford that. Honestly, I don't blame her at all.

I am going to have to withdraw from classes for this semester. I'll look at community college part time in the spring, and see what I can make happen.
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I guess you all know that I am trying to go back to school this semester. Because I already have a BA I don't qualify for a lot of financial aid to get a second Bachelor's degree. This one is a science degree. All I qualify is Stafford Loans. That caps at $12500 per year, and school is going to cost me $23000 give or take a year. You don't need to be particularly astute to notice that there is a bit of a gap between what I am getting in Stafford Loans and what I need to pay. The actual number is actually $10K/year that I am short. It is due August 1! The really fun part is that I only found out anything about financial aid on Wednesday. I registered for classes about a month ago, and at the same time talked to the financial aid office. At that time I was told it would take about a week to process my paperwork, and I would get a letter to let me know what I qualified for. I figured it would be no problem since I make $11/hour before taxes. At that time of course I had no idea there was a cap on Stafford Loans, or that the Financial Aid office would work as quickly as a man in lead snowshoes. I called them a couple of weeks ago, and was told they were still working on it. Then I called last Monday and was told some shit about training days, and they would have it on Friday or Monday, Tuesday at the latest. Tuesday I called again, and was told there were four apps before mine, and they would have it done and emailed to me Wednesday, but he went over it a little. I was at work, so I couldn't write anything down. I called when I got off work Wednesday, to find out what was going on, and was told there were 4 more in front of me (still?!). I pretty much told him that I needed to figure out what I was doing because time is NOT on my side at this point. After bordering on yelling at the guy for 20 minutes I finally got my award letter.

I'm essentially $10,000 short for the year. I can go on a payment plan, and pay $1,000/month for the 10 months of the school term or I can apply for loans through SallieMae or a number of other banks. I applied, and was turned down. I had thought that I might as well apply for more than school ($20k) so I could have money for bills when I may not be able to work as many hours as I do now. Shot down. I asked mom if she would be willing to co-sign, and as I figured she wasn't. I applied for $10k, and still no dice. I'm going to see what she thinks about co-signing at that level.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. While I was with Joy I really did fuck up my credit, and although it is getting better it does take time for all the old bad stuff to go away. Of course there is also the fact that I make so little. I'm sure that doesn't really help. Part of me really doesn't want mom to co-sign, because I really don't want to make a mistake and end up costing her everything. I have no intention of doing that, but it is a fuckload of money. I do want to go to school though.

I'm trying to make a better life for myself, but I seem to get thwarted an awful lot.

After tomorrow I am on vacation, but it is really a shitty excuse for a vacation. I have federal jury duty. Who gets Federal?? What that means is that I have to call in every day for the next two weeks after 5pm to see if I have to come in the next day. Its stupid.
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So far this month has been pretty interesting.
First dentist appointment in 15+ years
I purchased my first suit. Amy helped me find it, and although it looks good on me I hope it isn't too "mod" for lack of a better term. skinny 3 button jacket, and pants. I tried on the whole thing, and amazingly enough it fits without having to have it altered. My brother will be supplying a tie, and cuff links. (French cuffs on the shirt.)
My second dentist appointment is at the end of the month
I'm moving in with Amy by the end of the month.
Brother's wedding this weekend, and I'm in it. Hence the suit.
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So I did it. I spent the night at my mom's house the night before, and took the valium before bed. The next morning I took the trilazoram, and didn't really expect much, but... Boy was I wrong. I had read that it had some amnesiac properties. Holy crap, I remember taking it, and waiting for mom to take me, but I don't remember the ride there. Then, I remember being told to use the bathroom. I'm sure I did, but don't know...Then I was in the chair, and the dentist was there, and they asked me what radio station I listened to, and popped some headphones on me, and a sleeping mask thing. I kind of recall a little novocaine , but only in a disjointed kind of way. After that, I really don't recall much of anything. I've been told I rode in a wheelchair from the dentist to mom's car. In fact the next thing I know was that I was at Steak'n'Shake getting a strawberry shake, well mom bought two. We took them home, and I ate one, and then went to sleep. I only vaguely recall the shake... Apparently I asked mom what they fixed on her car while she waited for me, like 4 times during the ride home. I had to ask her again later.

I don't know a whole lot about what they did, but they seem to have done what they are supposed to, and did it very well. The thing that surprised me is that I don't really have any gum pain. My jaw on the other hand, is rather sore. Apparently they had to use quite a bit of novocaine, and that is why my jaw is sore.

If you have never used a WaterPik, let's just say it is an interesting experience. The control for the pressure is on the handle, and it is very easy to end up hosing down the entire bathroom, and not really doing much as far as flossing goes. I have to use it every day, and I hope that the learning curve is not as steep as I it seemed last night. On the other hand there may have still been some residual drugs in my system.

I have to go back at the end of the month for a follow-up, and after that I will have to have very regular, and kind of frequent cleanings to make sure that things don't get out of control.
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I need to eat something soon. I am having sedation dentistry tomorrow. I need a scaling and root planing. I have 2 diazepam to take when I go to bed, and two lorazepam for tomorrow morning, and then I go in, and they give me something else. Once that is working they numb me up with the usual stuff, and get to work on all four quadrants! I'll be awake-ish, but that fucking metal syringe still freaks me out a bit. I don't know how worried I'll be in the morning. I've never had a cavity, just the usual cleanings. I did have 4 teeth pulled so that my wisdom teeth would just come in. Anyway, after 15+ years I'm a bit nervous. Obviously, I will not be driving myself there in the morning. Mom has the day off, and is going to take me, and pick me up. Amy is going to stay with me for the night. I'm sure everything will be ok, but still a little nervous.

In other news, Amy and I have decided to move in together. I think it is a good thing, although I was a bit gun shy about that since I had what can best be described as a really fucked up experience the last time! I do have to remind myself that Amy is NOT Joy in ANY way shape or form when I start to freak about it.

See ya on the other side...
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Lately I have been doing things that I think are pretty good for me. Trying to take better care of myself, and also getting ready for the future. Today I went back to the dentist. When you go the sedation route you have to have an appointment where you fill out forms, and pay for everything. You are pretty well sedated before you even hit the door. The night before you take 10mg of diazepam, and then you take a different sedative in the morning when you wake up. When you get there they give you a third drug to make you more or less useless as a human being. The nice thing is that you really don't have any memory of what they had to do to you. In this case that is a good thing. I am having a scaling and root planing in all four quadrants. This is why you should all make sure you go to the dentist more often. You don't want to do this. I know I don't, but my appointment is for May 31. I know that is kind of a ways away, but that is the first time they had an opening that I could get a ride for. Obviously I will not be driving to or from the place. I feel like I made a good decision, but I'm a little nervous, and I was hoping I could get it done sooner.

In other interesting news I decided to spend a chunk of my tax refund and buy myself a new laptop. I am not sure what I am going to do with my old desktop, but I'll figure it out. I'm considering installing Ubuntu on it, and having it as a dual-boot machine. It's a pretty nice computer, but I am still getting used to it. Yes I am typing on it right now.

Next weekend is Easter, and that means that I have to work.

The following weekend is the St Louis Open, and I have four solid rounds of disc golf to play over the course of two days. It is kind of interesting in that there are four different course that I will have to play. I renewed my PDGA membership, and now I am ready to play. One thing that is nice about playing in a tournament like this is that they have a players pack, and I pretty much will be getting back my entry fee in free discs, and stuff. There is also a good chance that I will do well this year. Lately my play has been really improving, and I feel pretty good about it.
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Not that you guys really need to know, but after 18 years without a dentist appointment, no cavities! The crazy thing is that I have never had one. I don't know why, but I never have. What I do have is a ton of tartar, which I guess shouldn't really come as a surprise. With that comes bacteria, and gum disease. I have some bone loss, but the dr seems to think that things will be ok once I have the deep cleaning, and start using a waterpik in addition to the brushing, and flossing. How much is this whole thing going to cost me?? Almost $1400.

I'm going to have to finance this, because I just don't have it. The downside is that I need somebody to drive me there, and wait with me while I go through almost 3 hours of cleaning. Then they get to take me home, and somebody has to stay with me that night. (I'm pretty sure Amy won't really mind that part.) Its the drag my sedated ass to the office at 7:30am, and wait, and then take me home part that will suck for them.

I know I have to do it, and the sooner the better.
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